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[destructio]

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[destructio]

[ That word was a trigger and without thinking she snapped. ]

Don't call it that!

That... isn't what happened, it was an accident. A series of accidents.

[samantha_grey]

... I... [Pause. Ok.] An accident, and I went too far. Is that what we want to call it?

[destructio]

[ Shallow breathing may just have been audible but what wasn't was how tightly Hotaru had been holding the phone with both hands or how glazed her eyes had become. ]

I--yes. Accident. That's... It was an accident.

[samantha_grey]

Then that's all it was. The Maeve were casting spells, and one of them let out the part of me I usually control better. That's all it was. Not a lie. Just... an accident.

[She swallowed.]

And you don't have to forgive me. I ... don't want to be forgiven. I just want to know what you want now.

[destructio]

[ She managed to calm herself after a few moments. ]

I don't know. I think I just want... some semblance for a normal life, even if it's just for a while.

[samantha_grey]

Gods. I can't give you that. It's never going to be completely normal here, Hotaru. I'm sorry. That's something you will find is very difficult to have at all here.

[destructio]

[ Her voice turned distant, removed. ]

I wonder why I was brought here, there's no good I can do here.

[samantha_grey]

They don't want you for good things, Hotaru. No matter how kind a couple of them try to seem, we're just here as their whores and slaves. This isn't a good place.

[destructio]

[ Despite everything that's happened she says, with a hint of her former conviction. ]

Places are difficult to live in, that makes people do questionable things, but I won't let it change me into someone I'm not. I'm not a bad person, and I won't do bad things to other people.

[samantha_grey]

You keep hold of that. Don't become a monster like me. I was born this way. You don't need to end up like it.

[destructio]

Sam, you may be different, or not entirely human but maybe that doesn't mean you are a monster. You can do monstrous things and not be a monster.

[samantha_grey]

Semantics. And semantics won't change what happened. [She swallowed.] I'm surprised you're still talking to me.

[destructio]

The fact that you're trying to make amends means something, Samantha.

[samantha_grey]

It's... kind of you to say that. Why... why don't we keep some distance for a bit. I'll wait for you to come and speak to me.

[destructio]

Maybe that would be best. Don't let the magic here do this to you, okay?

[samantha_grey]

You... will find it is very hard to resist them at times. [She sighed.] I think I'm going to go have something to eat. Try to rest, Hotaru. Thank you... for being understanding even when you have no reason to be.

[destructio]

Be the woman you should be.

[samantha_grey]

Not... easy here. But I'll try. I am supposed to be a hero, after all. Somehow.

[destructio]

[ Actual hint of a chuckle. ]

Don't you mean heroine?

[samantha_grey]

Eh? I don't have any poppy seeds right now but why wou... oh, right, heroine. Heh, very funny. [Because yeah... Sam was the sort of hero to get heroin and heroine mixed up.]

[destructio]

Poppy seeds?

[samantha_grey]

It's... uh, a terrible joke. If you don't get it, you don't want to. Trust me. [She sighed.] You're kind of ... innocent, aren't you?

[Ignoring that she'd made sure there were no more normal firsts left.]

[destructio]

[ Her proverbial hackles raised at that, she didn't like being thought of as innocent, especially here. ]

I know all sorts of things, I'm not naive.

[samantha_grey]

Don't take that the wrong way. I said innocent, not naive. [She swallowed.] An innocent heart wouldn't think of a joke... well, about heroin when someone called them a heroine.

I'm not very innocent, if you hadn't noticed.